BP: No sign of leaks as capped well nears 48 hours
Yankees pay tribute to Steinbrenner, announcer
Lawyer: Lohan staying at substance abuse facility (I swear this was actually on the top news list at Yahoo.)
These are some good stories, but none of these can come close to the most breakout story of the week. I have two words for you: Mel. Gibson.
So as it turns out, Mel Gibson has a few small "problems" in his personal life that where leaked to the entire world this past week so that everyone could review them and judge him beyond belief. Lets take just a moment to review the items that got leaked so that everyone knows what his true "problems" are. I wont go over the audio tapes one by one, but here are some links to the audio recordings so that everyone can hear them.
MEL AUDIO TAPE #1: Mel’s Racist Rant
MEL AUDIO TAPE #2: Mel Gibson Admits Hitting Oksana, Threatens To Kill Her
MEL AUDIO TAPE #4: Out Of Control Mel Gibson Says He'll Burn Down House After Demanding Sex
So there you have it. Mel Gibson is the biggest asshole in the entire world. He is a racist, wife beating out of control angry son of a bitch that is addicted to sex. But, despite everything that we know about Mel Gibson now, that asshole is still better than you, and here are the reasons why:
1. He made a shit load of money off Jesus
Lets start here. It takes balls to take the story of Jesus Christ and mold it into a profit generating cash cow. Sure, a little extra money never hurt anyone, but this mastermind managed to gross $611,899,420, on a budget of $30,000,000. Who knew that a story of a bunch of blood thirsty Jews could do so well at the box office? Besides being blood thirsty savages, I think we all know the only thing the Jews ever got right is Jerry Seinfeld, but that is a story for a different time. Now that I think about it, there are plenty of ways you could market Jesus Christ in motion pictures; lets try reworking some older movies to include Jesus Christ:
"Three Nails and a Baby"
"Born on the 25th of December"
"Die Hard" (Well, that one is good as is.)
In my opinion there are only two things Mel could have done to make this movie better. Next time, do not make me read anything, I need some American on that screen so I can fill comfortable and not have to think too much. I know Jesus did not speak English, but this is Hollywood and you can do whatever you want. Second, you should have named it "Lethal Whippin'."
2. He hates everyone
A lot of people say that Mel is a giant racist. Some people have a huge problem with the rants that Mel has gone on and say that he needs help to cure his racism. Well for starters, racism is not cureable. Secondly, its not racism if you hate ever race equally, thats just plain dedication. It take alot of energy and time consumption to put out that much hate towards everyone thats not white. Lets face it, if your skin color goes over a dark white hue, Mel hates your guts. But, good news for African Americans, according to good old Whoopi Goldberg, Mel is not a racist because he has been to her house in the past. Well holy hell, its good to know that Hitler would have been cleared of any wrong doing if he decided to cruise over to Jack Black's house one day and rock out with him (yes, Jack Black is a Jew.)
3. He is The Patriot
No explanation needed, see picture. Anyone that can wave a flag like this is good in my book. You can take his life, but you'll never take his freedom!
4. His real name is better than yours
Mel Gibson's full name is actually Dr. Sir Sir Melbourne Saint James de Patrice Munificent Scottsdale Rochester Pimsey Norris Roger Thomas Gibson, Ph.D. He was knighted twice and received his Ph.D from an American university, which automatically gives his title of "Dr." precedence over both "Sir" titles granted by his dual knighthoods. (credit given to http://wikiality.wikia.com for this.)
5. Mel was Max Rockatansky, a.k.a "Mad Max"
Mad Max = The Maximum Force of the Future. End of story.
So there you have it. All of the things listed above are good reasons why Mel Gibson is still a better man than all of us. He can make money off the Gods, he hates everyone equally, he is the American Patriot, he has a kick ass name, and he was Mad Max. Can you think of anything better then all of these things wrapped together into one human being? I didn't think so. Thanks Mel Gibson, for being a role model and one hell of an American hero.
